I finally had Bible Study again after 2 long weeks of cancellations due to the horrible weather and busy schedules of the group and I have to say, it was beyond timely.

I love spending my Monday nights at Bible Study because I honestly feel it makes me hopeful and more prayerful throughout the week. I truly believe that when you start your week right and with God and good people, nothing can ever bring you down. I really needed tonight because I've been having a rough couple of days. For those that sent me emails and messages, thank you. For friends I have lost touch with but just wanted to wish me well and say prayers for me, thank you (don't worry guys, I am not physically ill nor am I dying from a sickness Haha). I cannot thank you all enough and God really makes you realize who truly CARE and who are just CURIOUS.

So anyway, back to Bible Study. For the past 3 months we've been talking about different parables and lessons that have to do with our overall theme- "Paid in Full" I thought this to be very timely for me and I just wanted to share with you all what I've picked up from the past Mondays and how I am using these lessons as strength for when times become unbearable. I hope in some way this can help you too.

Just remember that if you're hurting, so am I. I am still picking up the pieces and holding on to the only one who will never let me down- God. And I know He is holding on to you too. So here it goes. :)
Here are a few of the lessons I picked up from listening to our wonderful Bible Study leader, Dino. Some of these are my words and others are rephrased versions of what he has said that struck me the most. I've decided to just reflect and elaborate more on some of them to maybe sort of help you see where I'm coming from (and you might be on the same boat with me anyways) :)

Never hold a grudge or want to get revenge even if "you didn't deserve it" - Jesus didn't deserve what He got, but He LET IT GO. 

I believe Jesus did say (and I am going to paraphrase the Lord over here cool ko naman) "Forgive them Lord for they do not know what they are doing." This is something that really struck me and made me think back at what I've been keeping inside for forever. 

You know when people talk crap behind your back? When friends use you and then dump you when they no longer wanna hang with you? When people you don't even know randomly hate you? Yeah, I've been there. Heck, I'm still there. And I know some of you are too. Which is why this is so fitting.

Instead of dwelling on the "Why me Lord?" and "What did I do? I don't deserve this!" lines, why not just focus on moving forward? Sure you don't deserve the unnecessary hate, the random mean acts, but Jesus didn't deserve to be crucified either, right? He was free of sin, the nicest guy in the village, the carpenter, the teacher, the guy with the beard. He wasn't the bully, the greedy politician, the mean girl, the "Alpha Dog," no. He was a down to Earth (**pun intended! Since He was, you know, from Heaven sent down to, like, Earth? Okay I'm getting sidetracked here...) swell kinda guy. And He definitely got the short end of the stick.

So see? The Lord leads by example and shows us that it doesn't matter if you "deserve" it or don't. It's about moving forward from that, letting go, and LETTING GOD work. 

God's plans for us are BEYOND you and I.

How comforting is this? This is probably the most comforting thing I've read all day and for the past few days. We have to remember to look ahead. To look forward to the future and all the promises it may bring. It's hard, especially on days where it hurts too much. On days where you can't help but just look back, at all the memories and good times, the security and the comfort. The future is scary. It's unpredictable, it's unknown, unchartered territory. But that is what makes it so wonderful. The future, is God.

SAY WHATTTT NOW???

You heard me. God is the future. No, not in the cheesy-movie-Bible-salesman "Have you met Jesus?" kind of way. The future is something we cannot fully grasp, something we will never fully know. Just like God. He holds our lives in His hands and He wants us to end up with Him. Forever with Him.

So whatever plans He has for us, big, small, scary or new, we have to learn to trust that it will bring us one step closer to Him. Where it truly matters.

I'm a big believer in routine, in knowing what comes next and planning out how to handle situations. That's why when life and the universe throw their darn curve balls at me, I panic. I freak out. Because what was once familiar is now gone, and I am faced with nothing but a fresh start. Then I think to myself, A. FRESH. START.

A. NEW. CHANCE. See how God blesses? He gives us chances, everyday, to change our lives. To fix our paths. To align ourselves towards Him. How BLESSED are we that we have a God like Him?

If God gave His only son for you, what would He ever withhold from you?

Boom badabing badaBOOM. This is one of my FAVORITE LINES of all time. EVER. And I'm so sad that it is only now that I realized this. But better late than never, right?

We forget that when we aren't "granted" the desires of our heart, it is for a reason we may not yet understand. When I heard this, I literally wanted to shrivel up and die. I mean, to put it bluntly, HOW KAPAL AM I?! Really?!?!

God gives us His only son to suffer and die for us sinners and we have the audacity to complain when we aren't given a raise? A promotion? A good grade? The perfect class schedule? Our crush? That last CRONUT in Wildflour?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH US???

John 3:16For this is the way God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

I tell you what it is. We're selfish. Selfish and forgetful. I am selfish. And I'm conveniently forgetful. We have to try and remember that God has a time and place for everything and everyone. We may not understand what that is now or ever, but we have to trust in Him. He will never not give you what you want if it's good for you. If it will make you a better person. I realize this now and I realize how His timing is ALWAYS perfect. Always.

Just to give a little example, it took me a year and a half to FINALLY get a job that I wanted. No, TWO JOBS that I ALWAYS wanted. See? He was able to grant me the chance to become a preschool teacher and a VJ. Two jobs that I only wished for awhile back. He granted it to me because He felt my heart was ready. And now it's my turn to prove to Him that I am worthy of His blessings.

It's your turn too. You may not be where you want to be right now, career wise, love wise, school wise, looks wise... whatever. But at least you can say you are where you NEED to be. Allow God to mold you, to change you, to let you see where you need to be. And I can guarantee you, you will not be disappointed. :)

Don't TELL God how to help you. Humble yourself down and ASK for His help.

I think one of the things that truly makes us human is when we believe we know more than others. And when we feel like we know more than God Himself. I can recall countless times when I would pray and be like:

"Hey God. So I have this problem and this is how I need you to fix it."

Uhm, say what now? Yeahp. I know you've said it too. And let me tell you how we should change that.

Romans 10:13For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

ASK. Don't TELL, simply ASK. The Lord was able to make the whole world, He was able to make the seas and the skies and the people and everything we see around us, does He really need tips on how to fix a problem He already knew you would have? Exactly.

I learned (though it's really difficult at times) that sometimes, you just need to shut up, and open up. Open your heart to whatever solution God has for you and your problems. He knows what He's doing so trust in Him.

Heart break is one of the worst things anyone can experience. When you can literally feel your heart hurting inside and crushing every bit of your body. I know it sounds dramatic but I know some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Breathing is painful, your eyes are tired from all the crying, your head hurts and you don't want to move. Heart ache sets in and you just want to die. God will not swoop on down and cuddle you till you feel better, no. He will wait for you to ask Him how you can pick up the pieces of your broken heart and start over. ASK for His help, DO NOT DEMAND IT. We are not worthy. But we are loved. And that's all that counts.

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So there yah go. I would write more but my eyes are too watery right now. I should make a second part to this entry soon. Promise. I hope this helped you and I hope you can relate to it.

Just remember, you are not alone. And that God loves you. So if anything, that counts for EVERYTHING. :)