I'm back!!!!

By Karla Aguas - 3:23:00 PM

Hey guys! Sorry for the long hiatus from this blog. I must admit, aside from being super busy with life and all the changes coming my way I've been also wracking my brain for something to blog about.

As you guys know, I try as much as possible to keep this blog fun, light and in some ways, inspirational (I sound so pretentious ughh) without having to sacrifice meaning and content. I like being able to share with you guys the lessons I've learned from life and the lessons I have learned from God. We have to remember that with every "bad" or difficult thing that happens in one's life, there is always a bigger reason as to why God allowed it. 

With that being said, I was so happy when I randomly opened my Tumblr account to check my drafts (btw, for all the TOP lovers out there, I am posting a chapter tonight! I just realized that my TOP chapters are piling up since I haven't been posting them! #lazy) I stumbled upon this draft of an entry that really struck me. I love how sometimes I look back on my entries and think "Wow, did I really write that? Did I make THAT much sense?" Haha! After reading the entry I got inspired to finish it and post it on this blog because I feel it is something that a lot of us can relate to. I hope you guys will enjoy this entry especially because it is the first entry since my return. So here it goes...

Broken.
It's been forever since I last turned on my laptop and began writing on this blog. I guess it's cause I've just had so much to do and had very little time to really be with my thoughts and put them all down here. I find myself now, however, on my bed, typing. And I gotta say, it's a really good feeling.

I've missed writing- I've missed blogging, actually. I've always seen my blog as a little platform for me to share my thoughts and feelings, judgements aside. Some people may not like what I have to say and others might just read what they needed to "hear" from my entries. Whoever you may be, you are always free to leave this blog or stop reading. It is your choice.

So why am I writing now? Why did I choose such a title? Well, believe it or not, I had a dream last night about this entry. I wouldn't really call it a "dream" but there really is no other word for it. You know how some times you lay awake at night, drifting in and out of sleep with all these thoughts in your head? Some good, some bad, and some just so random? Yeah, that's what happened to me last night. I took it as a sign to start writing and well, here I am now, blabbing on and on about the "origin" of this entry when I really should just get to the point, yeah? Haha...

Broken Hearts. A Broken You.

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I've always come to find that when it comes to things that are broken, the idea of fixing it always seemed so hard, so impossible. I can't even count the number of times I've broken a vase, a bowl, a plate and a glass when I was a kid- I'd stare at the shattered pieces and think 1) How much trouble I was going to be in and 2) With all that shattered glass, all those little broken pieces scattered everywhere, I would never, ever in my wildest dreams, be able to fix it. 

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I guess that's what stuck to me after all these years of broken furniture and plates... That fixing something that broke would be the most impossibly difficult task for anyone to do. So how does this relate to the line above on relationships and promises and hearts? Well, in my life at least, that's how I first saw all my hardships and heartbreaks- feelings and states that I would never ever be able to get out of alive or be able to fix. But boy, was I wrong.

Allow me to share with you guys how I was able to get up and fix what I once thought was forever broken. I hope you all can benefit in some way from what I'm going to share.

BROKEN HEARTS

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I can still remember the first time I got my heart broken. It felt as if my heart was being held by a hand that kept on squeezing and squeezing. My heart felt as if it was going to break, literally. I lay in bed and thought I was going to die of a heart attack of sorts because the pain was just that unbearable.

My whole body hurt- from my head down to my toes, I couldn't get up from my bed. I cried and cried until I had no more tears left to shed. I fell in and out of sleep because of how tired I was crying. I barely ate, I barely moved. I willed myself to stay in bed until maybe my mattress would swallow me whole. I prayed and prayed to just become numb. I couldn't take the pain.

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Trust, for me, is one of the most important things in any relationship. Whether it be friends, family or lovers, trust is something you have to earn and give to someone you truly love and care about.
I trust very easily. Because of this, more often than not, I get hurt easily too. I've made poor choices and trusted the wrong people. When you enter a relationship, you trust. You learn to trust and you learn to be trusted. I give it my all in the relationships I'm a part of. Which is why when the relationship goes downhill, it's usually because of the lack of, or the abuse of, the trust.

No matter how much you love someone, with no trust, there can be no relationship. I loved someone once, so much, that I trusted them with a lot of things in my life. When the person broke that trust, I found it really hard to look at them the same way.

This is something I learned the hard way and something that I want to share. If a person really and truly loves you, they will give you no reason to doubt, to question and to think about their actions and words. Trust is something that needs to be earned and if a person loves you as much as they say they do, then they will make sure that the first you have for them, aside from love, is trust. You cannot love someone if you don't trust them. Relationships cannot last if one keeps questioning and doubting.
That's why it is important to never, ever, ever, break a person's trust.

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Looking back at past relationships, aside from trust being broken, I've come to find that my exes weren't entirely at fault. I too, had my share of faults and wrongs in the relationship.

Insecurities are something we all have and face each day. I cannot think of anyone who has no insecurities. If they claim they don't, well, good for them. But I think they're just fooling themselves.
I am one of the most insecure people you will ever meet. I wake up some days feeling like crap. Wishing I looked like someone else. Wishing I had a better body, better skin, better hair, a better height and the list goes on. I realized that my relationships broke because of my insecurities as well.

You have to believe you're good enough. As hard as it is, you have to know your worth. It takes time and a lot of patience, but little by little, if you want to believe it, you will realize your worth. Insecurities aside, you have to learn to love yourself for who you areYou cannot expect someone to love you when you cannot even love yourself. I really believe that there is someone out there for everyone. And I truly believe that, that one person will love you, "flaws and all." Do not let your own insecurities ruin your relationship. 

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Memories. These are tricky little bast*rds aren't they?

Memories can make you feel two ways: Really really good, or completely and utterly miserable.
I realized that I had to learn how to filter and file my memories. When you get your heart broken, you can't help but remember all the good times. The times you were happy, the times that you never thought in a million years, would turn out this way- you, on your bed, wishing yourself dead.

It's so much easier to remember the good times when you're feeling miserable. I think it's cause in some sick, twisted way, we enjoy the pain we feel. I'm not saying we're sick or whatever, but I think that it just happens. The good times will always come up when you're feeling so low.

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What we have to remember about the past and these memories is that at the end of the day, they will always and forever be, in the past. We cannot do anything to bring back a moment, an instance, retract a statement or prevent something that has already happened from happening. Life doesn't work that way. But us making ourselves feel worse? We don't have to work that way. 

So stop killing yourself with old memories and start making new ones. Easier said than done, yes, but do you plan on spending the rest of your life living in the past, hidden behind all these memories? Will remembering those times ever bring the person back? Fix a relationship that has long been broken? No. What ends up happening is you end up ripping your heart apart, piece by piece, over and over again.

A Better YOU


Here is where the toughest part of fixing your broken heart comes in... Willing yourself to become better. I truly believe that in order to become better and move on, we have to constantly make a conscious effort to do so. We cannot just say "I'll be okay from now on." and then spend the rest of the day thinking back at the shoulda, woulda, couldas. No, that's not how it works. Which is why I am also a strong believer in PRAYER.

I don't think any of us (including myself) fully realize the power of prayer. The strength that prayer and faith give us. You see, God is and will always be right by our side. Helping us up when we're down an making us better and stronger versions of ourselves. 

It's so easy for us to be angry with God when we are broken. "How could He do this to me?" or "How could He let this happen to me??" are just some of the things we find ourselves asking or shouting from our broken hearts. And you know what, I totally agree with you! I would also shout those things and cry myself to sleep at night thinking of all of those things. But you know what I realized? God let those things happen because they NEEDED to happen. Ouch right?


Sometimes we need to fall down in order to realize where we stand in life. We need to get hurt in order to know how not to hurt. God let's us experience that. So instead of being angry, be grateful. Be grateful for getting your heart broken. Why? So you know never to break anyone's heart. In all my past relationships and everything I experienced because of them, I realized and learned what I want fro a relationship and how I should be in a relationship. Granted I'm not the best or most perfect girlfriend in the world, but I would like to think that I am so much better from how I used to be. I now know how to love better and with my whole heart but at the same time still leaving something for myself- being able to be strong in a relationship while still listening and making room for compromises. 


Lastly, just always remember this phrase. This is something that super stuck to me ever since I read it a few years a go. You are strong. No matter how broken and weak you feel, you are STRONG. Sometimes even stronger than you think. So never forget that. Never forget what you deserve. :)

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So there you have it folks! My first entry after a million years. I hope it didn't disappoint. I promise to make a more conscious effort to update this blog no matter how busy I get. I hope you guys come back for the other entries. Thank you for reading and visiting!!! :)

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30 comments

  1. This is a great entry! This is really fitted for my friend who happened to have her heart broken.. These words are so perfect for her.. Your words are heaven-sent! :) keep Writing and keep inspiring! Xoxo

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    1. Thanks so much Erika! I hope this will really help :)

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  2. happy to hear from you again! :) it's always a great feeling reading your blog because i don't always get the chance to watch your shows on myx because of work :( it's saaad. if only i could install a tv in my classroom and they would have replays of it every hour that'd be great! haha anyways, keep on blogging and we'll keep on reading! :)

    p.s. i was thinking of recommending your blog to my students for them to read. nax :))

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    1. Awww WOW NAMAN! I feel so honored... I don't know what to say! Make me a homework assignment nalang HAHA joke lang :P I hope you continue to visit this blog when you can! I'll be updating soon, promise :)

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  3. Hi Karla! :) Missed this! I've learned so many lessons. Ikaw na talaga. I'm kinda Insecure too. Thinking that "sana ako na lang siya", etc. And now, I dunno but I'm afraid na pumasok ulit sa isang relationship. Cause feeling ko I'm not worth it, I'm not deserving for someone, can't handle. I just really afraid. But I'm happy naman now. Stress free! Haha. Kidding. Thank you again for this! God bless. :))

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    1. Hi Joyce! Aww I'm glad this entry helped make you realize certain things. It's normal naman to be insecure but at the same time we cannot allow our insecurities to consume us and take over our lives diba? I'm happy you enjoyed this entry :)

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  4. Hiii Karla! Nice post. It really affected me because I am an insecure person. I love the message of the post and it inspired me. :) God really knows what He's doing. :) nice to see your post again after a long time. I always check your blog for an update. Hihi. I am really happy for you now, especially you being a vj (and a teacher. How cool is that?) Keep inspiring people. You go girl! God Bless. :)

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    1. Hi Krystyna! YES AND AMEN! God knows EXACTLY what He is doing and it is always going to be for the BEST reason. We just have to learn to trust Him a little more and at the same time trust ourselves and love ourselves. God Bless! :)

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  5. I missed you! I missed reading posts from this blog. I'm becoming quite obsessed nowadays, haha! I even check your blog for new posts every time I go online. So when I saw this post, I really said "Yes! Finally!" Hahaha really no pambobola, I'm really just a fan. :D God bless you! :

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    1. Hi Kathleen! I'm so kilig naman.. you missed me?? Hihihi I'm glad that you saw this entry and I hope you really enjoyed it. I really have to update this... been getting so busy with everything AHHH!!! Promise to update this week! :) God bless!!! xxx

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  6. Hi Karla! Great entry! Keep on doing what you love to do. You're so good at it anyway. Xoxo! :)

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    1. Hi Ana! So happy you enjoyed it! Promise to update again soon :) xx

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  7. break na kayo ni nico?! whyyyyyyy??? :(((

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    1. Huwatttt??? Who said that??? Hahaha! We're not sweetie, still going strong and crazy as ever! :P

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  8. Actually for me everyone is beautiful naman, it's just that we are all insecure that's why we can't see the beauty within us, may it be outer or inner. Siguro were just scared or not confident to tell diba? baka namn kasi sabihing overconfident naman yan or ma mis interpret ng iba diba?, basta ako i know to my self that Im beautiful in my own way.. CHAR! or I must say WE'RE BEAUTIFUL IN OUR OW WAY. :) You are so inspiring and I missed and loved reading your blog entry (EVERYTIME) I teared up :') thank you! ❤ its me bonita karla :) -- JANE :)

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    1. YES WE ARE Jane! We are all uniquely beautiful and the sooner we realize this the sooner we can get over certain insecurities and learn to love ourselves more :) I love the comments you post because they are always insightful and very meaningful. Thank you for always taking time to comment and let me know your thoughts. :)

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  9. Hi Ate Karla! patrice here visiting your blog again :) i missed your blog posts :( :) but atleast you're doing good naman! anyway, out of all your posts here this is what struck me most maybe because I can in someway relate to this.. so yup i'm currently into a so-called "exclusively dating/dating" phase (naks phase talaga eh =))) hehehe ) but this particular guy acts like kami and all.. As in sometimes I feel na he's going beyond his limits na and I dont know how to tell him in a nice way na hindi siya mahhurt or ma o-offend.. :( And I thought na you could be the best adviser when it comes to this kasi super hard hit talaga ng post mo eh :( :) Anyway. Stay pretty and gorgeous as you always are idol! hihi and you and kuya nico stay strong always! God Bless you more and more. xxxx patrice

    P.S. may kilala ka ba ate karla na taga UST yellow jackets? :) baka lang meron :)

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    1. Hi Patrice! :)

      Hmmm.. here's how I see it: You need to be honest. Don't be brutally honest, but don't sugar coat it or make him feel that it's okay. If you're uncomfortable with how he's acting then let him know, but nicely naman. Talk to him about how you want to take things and what pace you're comfortable in taking. You have to remember that if he truly cares for you and wants what is best for you, then he will be willing to slow things down or allow you to breathe a little. Maybe he's just overly showy and sweet because he really does care for you diba? The trick is to be honest but gracious and caring still. :) Good luck!

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  10. Ms. Karla, when are you going to post another chapter of TOP? :)

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    1. Tada!!!! http://karlskaleidoscope.tumblr.com/post/53757693811/thoughts-on-paper-a-different-kind-of-different-28 Enjoy! :)

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  11. Hello! This post really struck me :( Does everyone deserve a second chance no matter what they have done to their loved one? (I'm pertaining to relationships hihi)

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    1. Hmmm... I think that depends on the parties concerned na eh. Cause every relationship is different and everyone is different so how I handle things and how you handle things may be different. If you want to give the person a second chance then go for it. BUt always keep in mind that at the end of the day you also have to think about what is best for you and your personal growth. :)

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  12. Hi VJ Karla! This is my second comment on your blog and can I just say I super love you? And everything about you, hehe btw Im a girl :) you have such a pretty face l, jolly personality and such a kind heart ;) I can relate to this post SO MUCH. Even if its 5 years ago (not that i cant move on) but when someones willing to love me i always end up rejecting him i dunno maybe im not yet ready but i feel like i have a stoned heart hehe and i dont know how to fix myself to be able to learn to love and trust without doubting someone new to me.. I hope i explained it better.. I hope you reply and give me advice i love to hear it from you!! P.S i hope you update blogs more often when youre free ofcourse! Take care VJ karla! Thanks for inspiring me! Mwa -B

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    1. Hi B! I think what you're going through is a state of self preservation and trust me when I say I've been there. Sometimes it's really just easier to keep ourselves shut from certain things so as not to be hurt be we have to remember that as much as we are closing ourselves from the hurt, we are also closing ourselves from the love and joy we can receive and give. I suggest you pray over it and ask God for help in opening up your heart again to love. I hope that helped Hehe :P

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  13. I recently watched the episode of MYX lives and GURRL i say you're CRAZZZZY! I love it! After watching the episode, I run on to my laptop to search for your blog and i went gaga over the posts...so FUNNY and very INTERESTING at the same time :) Loving the fashion posts the most maybe because we're shorts hoarders.HAHA nywaaaayyys im ending my comment here..i'm sure it wont be last because i really love your posts(I've said that already but who cares.HAHA) Take care vj Karla and BTW we have the same name spelled the same..i find it really cool cause the name is so common i love that our parents tried to be unique with the spelling.HAHA nuff said(binabara ko na po sarili ko)I hope that you read this. MORE POWER <3

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  14. AWESOME! IT IS! :)I SOOO LOVE READING YOUR BLOGS MS. KARLA. I'M ENJOYING IT. MORE POWERS. GOD BLESS US! :D

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  15. Its pretty awesome and informative... coming up blog again ms.karla!! super love it, :))

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  16. hi KArla! Nice entry! I super duper like your blogs:)) btw, I like your videos sa instagram especially that lizard thingy..:)) God bless! More blogs to come:)

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  17. ...i really love your blogs ms. karla,another awesome this one. my faith was challenged for the past year because I've been to a tough time dealing with big trials which I thought I could not handle. God is really good all the time that He made impossible things to a real one. Thru prayers and the genuine love of my family I was able to combat all these challenges. Thank you for being an inspiration to me to go on with life as it is,,,please continue to a inspiration to everyone.. i love you and nico... regards to him pls....

    ...bj...

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Thanks for reading my entry! I hope you enjoyed it. :)