To my baby, my angel, my Coco

By Karla Aguas - 9:41:00 AM

Hi Coco my baby boy, I miss you so much.

I can't believe you're gone and I can't believe I never got to say goodbye. I miss you so much and my heart feels like it's been torn to pieces because you're not around anymore. Please know that I love you very much and would give anything to see you one last time. I don't know why you were taken from me so suddenly, I don't know why it had to happen at this exact time, but whatever the reason may be, I know that you are in a much better place now. Allow me to say a few things to you though, okie Cocie?


Thank you. Thank you for always being there for me when I needed you. You may have not said anything, but I knew you loved me too. You know, I always wanted a Shih Tzu growing up. I always used to play with Tita Norma's shih tzu Chewy everytime we would visit them in Merville. I always wanted one but Mom and Dad never gave one to me. Then you happened.

I remember it was the same week that Dad announced that he was moving out, the same week that I watched him pack his bags and literally leave. I came home from school one day and there he was, standing in the sala, telling me that he had something for me. And when I moved closer there you were. You were so little and furry and cute. I remember shouting and running straight to pick you up and hold you. You were shaking cause I was holding you up so high but you didn't fight me or anything. Instead, you licked my arm and I knew I was going to love you forever. I even wanted to name you Max but for some reason, the name Coco just stuck. You were my baby.


You were there for me when everything seemed to be falling apart. You listened to my crying in my room when I would miss my dad and wonder why our family was falling apart. You were my only friend who I would come home to during my freshman year in high school because I was being bullied. You listened to me, you let me cry on your fur and you let me hug you until I fell asleep. You never said anything, no, dogs don't talk, but they sure do love. And you gave me so much love.
“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” 
― Josh Billings
You were there for me during the break ups. During the times that I felt my heart was going to break and crumble to pieces. You were the only "boy" who never left me, the only "boy" that understood. You always chose me, me over your own needs. God I remember crying in my room and you would silently walk on over to me and lick my hand, something you would do so I knew I could just pick you up and hug you. You were there for me Coco, always. I can't believe you aren't anymore.

I'm sorry for getting mad at you when you would bark. I wish I could hear your bark one more time. I'm sorry that I got busy with life and left you behind. I'm so sorry I got so busy. I'm sorry I never made you lambing enough. I'm so sorry that I didn't hug you enough and cuddle with you enough. I'm so sorry Coco. I regret it now, big time. I miss you so much it hurts. I keep trying not to cry but all I can remember is your cute fat furry face and how you would always freak out whenever I had food. I miss seeing your cute little face and hearing your annoyingly cute bark. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GONE.


Please know that I loved you very much. I never meant for anything bad to happen to you. I can't believe what happened. Her negligence and sorry to say, stupidity is unbelievable. It's taking all the strength I have in me not to kill her Coco. Really. I want to strangle her with the same damn string. But I know it won't bring you back. My anger and hate for her will never bring you back. You're in doggy Heaven now and I can't wait to see you again. I guess what I have to do now is learn to forgive her. I know it's not going to happen right now cause I'm still in so much pain but I know I can forgive her someday. I just can't believe you were taken from me so soon.
“Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made. ” 
― Roger Caras
I love you so much Coco. And I really do miss you. My heart doesn't feel the same and I haven't cried this much since Dad left. Not even the breakup and bullying cries were this bad. I hope you know how much I love you and miss you. I want to hug you again one last time!

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To all those that sent me messages and tweets, thank you. It means a lot to know that in some little ways, you guys care. Thank you for letting me know that Coco felt loved even if you don't know me personally. Thank you to my friends whom I haven't even seen for a long time, for messaging me and asking me if I was okay. I'm not but I will be. I just miss him so much.
“The dog is the most faithful of animals and would be much esteemed were it not so common. Our Lord God has made His greatest gifts the commonest.” 
― Martin Luther
He was really more than just a dog to me. He was a friend. And it makes you stop and think about life and how short it really is. I encourage you all to hug and cuddle with your pets, whether they be dogs, cats or whatever it is you have. Make them know how much you love them because THEY LOVE YOU SO MUCH. They love you without any hidden agenda. They love you not for your money or fame or looks. They love you for you. And you need to let them know that you know that. Let them know that you love them. Don't make the same mistake I did. Don't leave them behind.

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20 comments

  1. Hi Karla, my sincere condolences to Coco. :( We may not know each other nor like animals in general, but after reading your post I felt really sad and I know our words can lift you up somehow but it won't really change anything. I am just hoping and praying that you can get through this and hopefully somehow someday Coco will be "reincarnated" (if there's such) in another dog that you will love as much as you did to him. As everyone might have told you, Coco is truly in a good place with Him. :)

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    1. Thank you for commenting, it really has helped me. It is very comforting to know that there are still sweet people out there who, in a way, care. Thank you. My mom and sister kept asking me if I want a new dog ASAP but I think it's going to take me a while before I can even look at another shih tzu.. I just miss him. But thank you again. Yes, I really do believe God takes care of all our dogs that have moved on. :]

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  2. Ate Karla, condolences to Coco. After reading this post, it made me miss my own dog, Princess. She's gone for 5 years now. I know that in time, when you think about Coco, you won't cry anymore, instead, you will smile because the only things left are the good memories. I know you will get through this Ate Karla. Thanks for sharing this entry, though it may seem personal. :)

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    1. Hi Jean, thank you very much. I really hope that I feel that way soon, cause right now I can't stop crying and I just miss him so much. It just really sucks that you only realize certain things when it's too late and you can't get them back. I just wish I had one more day with him, you know? But thank you again so much...

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  3. Awwwww Karla,you're making me cry.At first,I thought Coco died because she's sick or she's old na.She died pala because of somoeone's carelessness.I know it hurts right now but everything will be ok soon and Coco is in a happy place right now.I'm sure Coco doesn't want to see you cry,so smile coz sayang you're pretty face!:))) *hugs*

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    1. Hi Brenna, yes it really sucks that all it took was someone's lack of care for another living thing. I really cannot for the life of me understand why she did that. No matter how many times she apologizes it will never bring him back and that's the painful truth I have to accept soon. It's just so hard to lose someone you really loved a lot. I know, I'm trying not to cry anymore but I can't help it, I no longer have him to hug and comfort me... Thanks Brenna.

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  4. This made me teary eyed :( i have lots of pets because my dad's a vet. I also remember the joy they bring to us and how much pain theyve caused us when theyre gone. I remember my pet Daphne, he's a german shepherd and she died of old age. I was crying in my dad's clinic and trying to wake her up. But she was gone. And another dog i had was also a shih tzu, named Cookie. This was more painful because it was also an accident. A freak accident. My dad was driving out of the garage when he suddenly felt a thud. Our helper then shouted and apparently Cookie was underneath the car and was resting near the car tires :( my dad shouted and went out of his car and carried our cookie covered with blood. He tried to revive her in his clinic but apparently it was really to late. He was hit right on his skull. We were all crying and it was the first time i saw my dad cry really hard full of regret and guilt. This was painful. Im in tears while sharing this but i wanna let you know that its always important to cherish the happy moments with them. It makes us realize that its alwys a good time to let others know how much we feel about them before its too late. When dogs pass away, i agree that they let us realize a lot about life. God use them as an instrument to make us see things differently. Thank you for this Karla :) reminds me of things i havent done in a while. I promise today to play with all my doggies.
    Im sorry for my long post and my "feeling close" vibes. And for sharing my story pa. :| i just had the urge of sharing it. Praying for you and Coco up there :)

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    1. Hi Monique. Thank you for sharing your story with me and the readers of this blog. I can only imagine how painful it must have been for you and your family as well. It's just really tough when you lose someone you really cared about, human or animal. I'm glad that this entry has helped remind you about life and how we shouldn't take anyone and anything for granted. I think we just easily forget that these things can be taken away from us at any given time so it's very important to love and cherish every moment with them. Make sure your doggies know you love them even more okay? I'm sure they'd love to be made lambing. Thanks again. :]

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  5. Condolence to Coco. :(( I know how hard it is to lose something very important in your life. Coco is in Heaven now and be happy with that. Don't worry because God really knows what He is doing and whatever His reason is for your best. Be glad and remember that Coco came into your life supporting you. I really think that Coco is more than happy that you took care of him. Don't be sad because it is over, be happy because Coco happened. If Coco were here, I am sure that he will make "tampo" because you are sad. He is in Heaven and I am sure that he is still looking after you here on earth. I will pray for Coco. Smile, Karla. :).

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    1. Hi Krystyna. Thank you very much, you make a lot of sense. I actually cried a lot reading your comment. I have to learn to just be happy that Coco came into my life at a time that I really needed him. It just sucks because even if my life isn't as "hard" as before, I still would've wanted him here to enjoy all these blessings with me. I really hate that it could have all been avoided and I think that's what is most painful right now. Thank you for your prayers. :]

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  6. Just look at it this way: you now have a dog-angel! I'm sure coco will continue to watch over you. Be strong Karla, you will get through this :) btw just wondering, what did you do to the helper? Did she get fired? :|

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    1. Hi there! Aww.. yes, I like that idea, a Doggie Angel.. Coco will be the cutest one there.

      I am still trying to forgive her. NO we did not fire her. It's very hard to get a job nowadays and she did apologize. My mom spoke to her though and so did I. I was so angry at her but no matter how angry I get it will never bring Coco back so right now I am just trying to forgive...

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  7. Oh. So sorry for the loss Ms. Karla. This really made me cry, I have dogs too (a Pug and a Chihuahua) and you reminded me to always take care of them and yeah, to never leave them behind. Thanks for that. I'm sure Coco is happy wherever he is now. Be happy too! I know you will be, soon. God bless you :)

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    1. Hi Kathleen! Our first ever dog was a pug and all we have left is a Chihuahua. Yes, please do take good care of them and always shower them with love. ALWAYS. Thank you so much for the concern and well wishes. I will be okay. I trust in God's plan for me. Thank you again sweetie...:]

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  8. My condolences ate karla. In your situation right now, people may say it's mababaw pero it's not. Coco has been a big part of your life. He was there (aside from God of course) when you felt so down in your life. I cant say that we're in the same situation right now because i don't have any dogs and i know my comment is not comforting enough but i hope i helped. :) I know Coco's with God now and looking at you right now from the sky. Hope the pain your feeling right now lessen because we dont want seeing you sad. Love love love ate >:D<

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    1. Hi Romelyn. Thank you for saying it's not mabawbaw, that really means a lot. Yes he really was a very big part and I wouldn't have been able to go through certain points in my life if I didn't have him. I hope he knows that. Your words have provided comfort, the mere fact that you even messaged me is already comforting. Thank you so much. :]

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  9. My condolences Karla. I can relate to your story since I took care of two dogs when I left my second job. I just wanna share my own story too. I’m a proud owner of two AsPis (asong Pinoy) named Bossing and Boris. My sister and I took turns caring for them for amost a year. She’s in charge of the bathing while I’m on the feeding part. Our dogs were such darlings that they always come running to see me whenever I come home. Seeing their excited faces was truly a delight. And whenever I feel stressed out with problems, I just look and them. They have a way to make me smile, whatever I’m going through at that time. Their presence alone comforts me. And with all this, I found a loyal friend in them.

    I imagined enjoying their company for years to come but they have passed away a few months ago due to sickness. Unfortunately, we haven’t got enough money to bring them to the vet. It’s heartbreaking to see them slowly succumbing to the disease. What’s even more painful is that I can’t do anything to help them ease the pain other than being by their side.

    I felt empty days after they passed away but now I have finally accepted it. I contemplated on whether I should get another dog or not. Yes, it would be painful to see them but that’s life, as the saying goes, “All good things come to an end.” I’m not closing my doors on caring for another dog but I will also consider if I will be able to give them the same care, perhaps even more, the way I did to Bossing and Boris.

    Thanks for your article, Karla. It feels comforting to know that I’m not alone in this phase and we are trying to cope with the loss of something so dear to us. The words on your last paragraph really hit me, “They love you so much. They love you without any hidden agenda. They love you not for your money or fame or looks. They love you for you…” Couldn't have said it any better myself. :-)

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    1. Hi Honey. Thank you for sharing your story. I was moved to tears reading it. Ang cute naman ng names, Bossing and Boris. Regardless of whatever breed the dog is, they are always such a blessing to be around. I know how you feel because I am still feeling it right now. The pain is so fresh but I know that in time I will be able to look back and smile at the memories. You will too and when you and your family finally decide to get another dog, I just know it will be loved to the fullest. I think dogs are given by God because they make us see how it is to be loved fully, unconditionally. I think that in itself is already such a huge blessing. Thank you for finding comfort in my entry, it means a lot. :]

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  10. I know how you feel Ate Karla. :( I lost my puppy 10 years ago, when I was only 8 years old. He also died from a gruesome accident: he was hit and run. Justice was never given to my bestfriend...

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    1. Hi Melissa, I'm so sorry for your loss... That's so terrible. :(

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Thanks for reading my entry! I hope you enjoyed it. :)