How to Not Kill the One You Love 101
1:09:00 PMI've been getting quite a few comments and emails about how Bubba and I "keep the fire alive" (Ano daw??) So I decided to make a entry that sort of explains, in a way, the dynamic of our relationship. Let me first say that our relationship is FAR from perfect. We have fights, disagreements, and we both lose our tempers at one point. I can be very unreasonable, cold, mean and hurtful. Nics can be the same (but more often than not it's me, ako yung mean but I'm working on it OKAY Huhu).
Second, every relationship is different. So just because somethings works for us, doesn't necessarily mean it will work for someone else (although since these are all based on love for each other, they honestly should work). And lastly, it all comes down to, well, LOVE. So here are a few tips on how to keep your relationship healthy, happy and loving. Or as I like to call it:
How to Not Kill the One You Love 101
Listen
Honestly this is the hardest thing for me to do, especially when it comes to fights. Listening is the trickiest thing in relationships because it's so hard to listen to someone who you're arguing with but at the same time, it can totally change the situation- especially when you're fighting.
Let's admit it, more often than not, us girls are the ones who are more vocal in a relationship- mahilig tayo mag "I love you", "I miss you", "Mwah mwah, tsup tsup, jejejeje" and whatever else we want to say. And when it comes to fights, tayo rin ang pinaka vocal.
"OMG YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!"
"MALI KA OKAY JUST ADMIT IT!"
"I'M NOT WRONG THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"
"WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN IDIOT?!"
...Yes, kailangan ng all caps for emphasis (NAKS).
Okay back to what I was saying. As hard as it is to do, as annoying as it to try and just keep quiet, sometimes, listening can really change how the fight turns out. You see, just because you're "right" in the argument, doesn't mean the other person doesn't have a point. It might not be a point you agree with, or a point that you see is relevant, but it's a point. And it's their point. The person you love's point.
What's great about listening and hearing the other person out is both sides of the argument are heard and you can both move forward by talking about it. You include all the points that're brought up and all feelings are discussed and clarified. Listening allows both of you to feel important and feel heard. With everything said and laid on the relationship floor, there is room to grow, understand, and move on, together.
Take a Break, Not a Break Up
I don't believe in "cool offs" and "break ups" that last a couple of weeks and then you both get back together. I have friends that fight with their significant other, "break up" and then in two weeks, are back together. I am not saying that those in relationships that do these are doomed to fail or are wrong, but again, for me and my relationship, I don't believe in it. I think it's rather unhealthy. So what do I do when things are just so heated and frustrating? We take a break, not a break up.
Allow yourself some time to cool down and let your temper subside. If you need a day or two, or even just an hour, take it. But don't throw it in each other's faces that it's a break up when it's not. Gets ba?
When things are bad and the fight just seems to be getting worse and you're tired and upset and hurt, NEVER make a drastic decision that you know you may regret. I am a firm believer in NEVER MAKING PERMANENT DECISIONS ON TEMPORARY FEELINGS (Yes, kailangan all caps ulit Hihi) What's goo about taking a break and getting your feelings in check is you can allow yourself time to reflect and process everything that was said in the fight and every point that was made. It gives you a chance to relax and figure out how you can move forward and how you can reach a compromise.
And then, when you're both calm, you can sit down and talk about it. It's not about "forgetting" the argument or the hurt feelings, but it's about knowing that you're a person too, and everyone needs a break. Sabi ng Kit Kat nga diba, have a break, have a Kit Kat? I've come to find that my fights with the Bubs get fixed faster when we take some time to just relax and cool down my temper our tempers.
Allow Yourself Time to Miss Each Other
I personally love this and swear by this for a relationship. There's no better feeling than missing someone and finally seeing them after all that time.
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| When I miss Nics I look at old pictures on my phone of us and get all emo HAHA |
Nics and I make it a point to see each other as often as we can given our busy schedules. He always makes it a point to see me on his free days and when I can get out of work, I make sure to see him as well. But we also understand and we also give way to "missing" each other. Sometimes, we won't see each other for a day or two days and it allows us to feel sad (but the good kind of sad- there's like that?!) and it gets us all excited for when we can see each other again.
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| This is what usually happens when Nics and I take a day to miss each other. Couples... couples everywhere! |
Now, when you do decide to give each other a day or two to miss one another, it doesn't mean na SINGLE KA. Okay? So don't go off flirting and texting and seeing other people- girl, wag naman natin icareer ang "day away" from the one you love. Use this time for yourself- girls, get your nails done, go shopping, see your FRIENDS (not your Cocols or Hohols HA) and guys, go to the gym, play PS, XBox, Wii or whatever it is you guys do.
Have a Good Set of Mutual Friends
It's always good to have a great set of friends. It's even better when you have a set of friends that you and your partner hang out with. Why? Because these friends know who you both are as individuals. It's nice to be able to hang out with people who understand you as a person, and as part of a couple.
I am thankful to have gotten to know some of Bubba's friends and teammates who have not only been good friends to him, but have become good friends to me as well. Yes I'm not a basketball player, yes I don't know anything about the sport or the NBA, but they still treat me really well. And despite them being friends with Nics first, they have also become my friends, and we have also spoken about things other than baksetball.
Nics has also become good friends with some of my friends. I've had girly dates with a girlfriend and Nics has joined us too. It's not because we wanna be with each other all the time or we don't trust each other- it's just become so comfortable even with our friends. And it feels good to know that you have people out there looking out for you and your relationship. :)
Plan an Escape Day
This is my favorite. I love escape days.
Plan a trip. Have an adventure. Whatever it is, plan something where the two of you can just leave all worries behind and focus on all the lovey doveyness of being a couple.
Whether it be an out of town trip to Tagaytay or Alabang ( Hoy, malayao na Alabang for us okay, NORTH kami Haha) or an adventure day like an ice skating date or a picnic somewhere, make room for an adventure, TOGETHER.
Allot a day or a weekend from your busy, stressful, crazy schedules and leave the world behind. This gives you guys the chance to get to know each other more and learn new things about each other. It makes the relationship more intimate. You don't even have to go far to escape. Hang out at home, watch a bunch of DVDs and order take out. Cuddle for hours until your arms hurt. Talk about silly things with your cellphones off (we're working on that aspect btw... DARN YOU TWITTER!)
Enjoy the Little Things
Enjoy the simple joys in life. Write each other a letter. Buy a bunch of take out and stay in. Try a new food place. Play a video game together. Read on the couch beside each other. Go shopping. Watch a movie. Share a good slice of cake. Grab a coffee. Walk around a park. Visit a museum. Drive around. Go kareoke. Play laser tag. Take silly pictures. Go to mass together.
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| Bubba enjoying his takeout and DVDs :) |
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| Chinese takeout from one of our DVD nights :) |
Life has so many simple joys that you can both do together, both enjoy, together. It's just a matter of realizing that event he little things can have the most meaning. :)
So I hope this was of some help to those who have been patient enough to read through this. I just wanted to share some tips about how I've been able to keep my relationship healthy and happy. I hope you enjoyed this! :)
25 comments
You're a genius............like seriously :( Ahh this is so true and I just want to say that I am YOUR BIGGEST FAN...Like I seriously love you and Nico together...I know you'll be together forever..I just know it :(( HAHAHA love you guys so much!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! You're too kind! :)
DeleteYou da best ate karls! I'll remember and do this whenever i found "the one" haha. god bless :)
ReplyDeleteYay! Thank you! :)
DeleteSuch an eloquent entry.It is quite amazing how this personal blog can be an avenue for you to share your thots about the so called simple joys in life series. I've kept tabs on some of your social networking accounts (IG and twitter) but this blog made me adore you even more, more than the pseudo-celebrity status that you are into because of your relationship with Nico , you are an opinionated, relatively grounded, passionate , and most of all sincere woman as reflected on this site, that made me admire you. We are both 22 years old so I really appreciate that from your last previous entry you never credited yourself to have known a basically everything about the four letter most powerful word LOVE. :)It was so humble of you to acknowledge your limitations and yet it was amazing how you have cropped a very lengthy and full of sense universal perspective about LOVE. <3 Keep updating this blog Ms. Karla it is a simple joy to read entries from this blog. P.S. "I can sense that you are a Patty Laurel in the making as a blogger." God bless always. hugs. hugs. :*
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sittie. I really always make it a point to let my readers know that I'm not some know-it-all girl who thinks she's better than everyone. I'm still learning and growing to who I feel God has intended me to be and I really wanted to make a blog that spoke to everyone and was relatable in every sense. It's like an online journey for me as well :)
DeleteThank you for all your sweet words. My heart is sooooo fat! You cannot imagine my smile right now. Pang Colgate/Close Up commercial na complete with a sparkle sa teeth (uyy feeling? Haha) and AHHHH I AM SO KILIG!!! I love Patty Laurel and I think she is such a good role model for girls everywhere. I can only hope to be as amazing as her (feeling close?) So thank you again and God Bless sweetie :)
You're welcome Ms. Karla :) gosh after reading your reply from here I also have this mega-watt smile on my face. I want to scream.. hehe * I can recall your kabado-face from tv khapon nung minsan nkikita kau ni Nico sa likod ng ngseserve n player..hihi.* I always wanted to leave a DM on you s twitter or comment in your IG or reblog s tumblr pero s dami ng followers mo I know i couldn't message you n not in a fan-girl mode ang labas i mean super kudos sa'yo for starting this blog na super may sense talaga and very totoo n tipong khit ordinary people like us could relate. :) Like I've said pareha tau ng age so I can totally understand ung advent and the journey that you are referring to and bravely taking on. Upon earning a degree and securing a job there is more from a 22 year old girl, full of aspirations and dreams that are bound to be fulfilled and shared with our loved ones. hehe. I dunno if na-relate mo ung pg-kafeeling close ko din sau like you ky Mrs. Patty Laurel-Fillart. :)Hope I could meet you in person. She is an icon and inspiration for every girls especially those emerging career/family woman..Love lots Ms. Karla looking forward to many relatable entries. Have a blessed Sunday. :D
DeleteHi ate Karla! :)
ReplyDeleteYou never fail to make me smile/laugh and kilig with your entries. I also love this one, title palang pak na pak na!! Hihihi :)
I love all your pictures especially with kuya Nico. Nakakatuwa po kasi yung mga Wacky pose and smile niya. Lalo na minsan pag ginagaya ka niya. Hahaha:D
I just noticed in the first pic(above) of you and kuya Nico parang sobrang payat po niya.Hehe:)
I am soo happy for you and kuya Nico. KILIG.KILIG.KILIG.♥ (Nakakainggit! =])
God bless you always! :))
Thank you Rose Ann. I always look forward to your comments- they never fail to make me smile :) I'm glad you enjoyed the entry and I'm so happy you liked the title! I like it too Hehe
DeleteYiiieh... I'm sooo kinikilig! Hihihi=))
DeleteThank you ate Karla for appreciating my simple comments. :D
Huwaw! :D ang ganda ng entry na 'to. Nainspire tuloy ako kung paano ko ima-manage yung relationship ko pag nagkaroon na. HAHA! :) Thank you for this entry miss, parang feeling ko sobrang kilala ko na kayo ni Nico. Tsaka sobrang nakakakilig kayo. Perfect couple. Parang hindi ko nga maimagine na nag aaway kayo kasi sobrang sweet nyo kahit sa picture pa lang. :) Di ko na 'to nabasa kagabi kasi inaantok na ako, kaya paggising ko kanina binuksan ko agad yung laptop para mabasa 'to :D
ReplyDeletePakisabi kay Nico na He's so lucky to have you so he should take care of you. Kundi, maraming magagalit. :)) Huuug!
Hi Paulyn! Thank you for reading this entry and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I can't wait for you to meet the one God has planned for you so you both can start your journey together as a couple (uyyy feeling close? Haha!)
DeleteAWWWWW :"> You know it really makes me smile when people tell me that. Kasi honestly, I always get na "You're so lucky to have Nico" eh, I know naman na lucky ako, but I just wish people realized na MABAIT RIN AKO. LUCKY RIN SIYA! Wahaha so thanks for saying that Hihi :)
Awww. Kinikilig ako!!! :) I am so happy that I make you smile. It made my day :'>
DeleteThank you for looking forward for that moment to happen. Busy lang si God na pagandahin yung love story ko. Haha! :) And ok lang na maging feeling close, masaya nga ako e :D
Pau na lang itawag mo sakin, if you don't mind. (ako naman yung feeling close. Hehe) :) Masyado kasing formal pag Paulyn e. :)
At isa ako sa mga magagalit pag di ka inalagaan ng mabuti ni Nico. :)
Awww !! This entry really inspires your reader. I love how Nico and You inspires others. Well, though I don't know you personally I see that you own a good heart. Hope to see more blogs about you & your journey. And another request, can you post some oufit photos of yours. Thanks :)
ReplyDeleteHi Ren! Thank you. I really believe that God has blessed me with such a wonderful man, that through our relationship, people can see that if God is in the relationship, then nothing but GOOD can come from it. :)
DeleteOutfit photos?? But I'm not a fashion blogger! FASHYOWN FASHYOWN lang ako Haha :))
Super love your blog enties!! And the way you write.. Parang nagkukwento lang. =)))
ReplyDeleteI swear͵ youre both lucky to have each other!
I'm just really madaldal kasi eh HAHA! :P Thanks Janella!
DeleteIt really pays to listen to one another, especially during misunderstandings or whatever term they call it. I commend you for writing such a powerful blog about your relationship. I think you and kuya Nico are perfect for each other. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jean! Yes I have learned the hard way that sometimes it's best to just keep quiet and listen, so you can understand the points and see the bigger picture. Thanks for reading! :)
DeleteHi, Karla! :-) I just had to comment that this entry was really something else. You and Nico Salva as a couple, are really something else. I'm actually a student from De La Salle (a die hard UAAP fan at that!) and despite my reservations with Atenean players, I always find myself making my way to your blog. As you said, you two aren't the perfect couple, but from what I see (feeling close LOL) you two come pretty close. I wish you guys nothing but happiness together! So much love for how you take care of each other. <3
ReplyDeleteHi there! Aww thank you so much, it means a lot to know that despite us being from "opposite ends" of the court (uyy basketball reference?)you still found the time to be so sweet to me. Thank you, it really warms my heart and fattens it! :')
DeleteHi ate Karla!!! I miss reading your entries. grounded kasi ako from using computer this past few days. Anyway, I love this! hahaha. Galit kasi ako sa isang tao ngayon. Sakto sa tyming! hahahaha.. Sana patuloy pa po kayong magpost ng ganitong mga tips.. God bless po! -MJ
ReplyDeleteHi MJ! I'm happy you're not grounded anymore and you can go back to reading my blog Hahaha! :P Aww well I hope you can forgive them and move on nalang! Be happy lang always :)
Deletei may not have a boyfriend for now but this definitely gave me an idea. for the future. haha! you and nico are such a cute couple. :))))
ReplyDeleteHi sweetie! Thank you! I hope this made you laugh as well :)
DeleteThanks for reading my entry! I hope you enjoyed it. :)